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kingcool1432

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Cricket Jokes
« on: March 16, 2006, 09:04:16 PM »

contributions welcome :)
« Last Edit: June 16, 2006, 02:52:05 AM by kingcool1432 »
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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2006, 09:05:18 PM »


Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game.

Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said
 "It's red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces."

Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for a 6 and replies,"Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"
« Last Edit: March 16, 2006, 09:11:29 PM by kingcool1432 »
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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2006, 09:06:13 PM »

New Zealand vs South Africa: Daryll Cullinan was batting, attempting a comeback from a complete bamboozling from Warne in earlier games. Cullinan played the first ball from Chris Harris very  carefully back down the pitch, and keeper Parore yelled out

"Well bowled Warnie!"
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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2006, 09:44:05 PM »

 Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match

 Fred Trueman at the crease. The Aus captain has plenty of close-in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket.

 Fredie finds this objectionable. 'Ere, if you lads don't back off, I'll appeal for bad light!"
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toney

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2006, 09:52:46 PM »

Think this was Trueman again. He bowls a good ball, batsman edges it to slip and the chance goes between second slip's legs for a boundary. At the end of the over, the fielder runs up to Trueman and said, " I should have kept my legs closed together."
Trueman patted him on his back and replied, "No son, your mother should have."
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achutank

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2006, 03:33:37 PM »

he was talking to ex-chairman of england selectors the guy with the indian name whose son i think was mark ramprakash. trueman got a match ban for that
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achutank

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2006, 03:40:02 PM »

now i remember the guy at the other end of that turman speak was raman subba row
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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2006, 03:08:30 AM »

Merv asks dickie how man balls he has bowled that particular over.
(An over being 6 balls)

Merv: How many is that?

Dickie Bird: 3

Merv: 3 gone or 3 to come?

Dickie: 3 gone, 4 to come as I am going to no ball you for being a smart ass
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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2006, 03:28:37 AM »

James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was
greeted by Mark Waugh.......

MW: well well, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here,
there's no way you're good enough to play for England"

JO: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family
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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2006, 01:42:58 AM »

Daryl Cullinan & Shane Warne:

As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been
waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you
spent it eating," Cullinan retorted
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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2006, 02:02:47 AM »

You have two sides one out in the field and one in .
Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out .

When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out .

Sometimes you get men still in and not out .

When both sides have been in and out including the not outs , THAT'S THE END OF THE GAME !

HOWZAT !!!!!

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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #11 on: April 04, 2006, 03:43:10 AM »

Oh kool, my own sticky  8) ;D
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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #12 on: April 04, 2006, 03:49:52 AM »

During the match, the fielder positioned just behind the umpire kept trying to distract the batsman as the ball was bowled to him. Several appeals for l.b.w were turned down, and finally the umpire turned to the fielder and said sternly: "I've been watching you for the last twenty minutes." "I thought so," came the reply, "I could tell you weren't watching the game!" 
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toney

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #13 on: April 04, 2006, 07:00:57 PM »

now i remember the guy at the other end of that turman speak was raman subba row
Is Raman Subha Rao father toMark Ramprakash?
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mezmerized

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2006, 06:08:22 AM »

 Unusual Suspects (Rhymed verse, worst)



There once was a left-handed tiger from Bengal;
‘God of the off-side’, he was feted by The Wall.
Few spinners could survive his lofted maul -
None could match the way he timed the ball..

His amazing consistency
Was rewarded with captaincy.
All hailed Sourav, His Excellency!
In the selection procedures he had lots of influency.
But alas! There appeared problems with his fluency.
On tracks bouncy,
His shots were chancy;
His footwork marked with hesitancy.
Such inconsistency,
Caused by technical discrepancy,
Along with his innate irreverency,
Did not catch Greg Chappel’s fancy.
Who said, “Cricket is important to his financy..”
Which led to Dada’s down fallacy…
From the throne of cricket’s aristocracy,
(And everyone in Bengal went crazy)

Watching from the sidelines, Master blaster Tendulkar..
His own form, a far cry from the spectacular.
The backfoot cover drive, frontfoot straight drive,
Replaced by defensive attempts to stay alive.
The furious paddle sweep,
Now stashed into his drawer deep.
The feasts of all the shots we were to behold,
Fleeting glimpses that flit by before he’s out-bowled.
Adding to Sourav’s insult, Sachin’s injury
Ranging from elbow to toe to fingery,
Sixteen years of international wear and tear,
Apparently more than his body can bear.
The little big man’s appearances are markedly rare,
His retirement date, round the corner somewhere.

How many Tests has he won!
Using his non-turning wrong ‘un!
But alas – Anil is a one day misfit –
His guile not inducing too many a mis-hit,
Under pressure, he may be pretty cool,
But his fielding makes him the butt of ridicule;
His batting style that’s based on blocking,
Not the kind that sets the run rate rocking –
So its swansong time for Kumble to sing,
Turning duties solely to Harbhajan Singh.

His trusted lieutenants, thus, all but gone –
Leaving us with just The Wall to rely upon;
‘As he sows, so shall he be reaper’
- Of runs by the hundreds, he’s the heaper;
The guy finds no target steeper -
One-day makeshift wicket-keeper,
Many a day, the Man Friday,
Many an inning, the sheet anchor,
ICC batting top ranker..
In the slips, safe as a banker..
Not one responsibility does he shirk..
All the more reason to give him more work;
And so it was that Rahul became skipper.

And aiding The Wall in his quest for glory -
A motley bunch to script the success story.
With all due respects..
Presenting the Unusual suspects!

Milkman Dhoni’s hairdo
Might make him seem a weirdo;
This dude of unmatched bravado,
Tonks the ball around without much ado.
Wielding the willow off front foot or back,
Giving the cherry an almighty THWACK…
His follow-through is one of a kind,
After impact, the bat finishes well behind!
Sure he’s not the best keeper that ever was,
Who cares! Look at what he did to Vaas!
His machismo comes across as striking,
He’s not designed to the bowler’s liking,
He’s the man when the runrate needs hiking
If 18 runs are required for victory,
Three balls later, the match will be history!
And meanwhile our man will be biking.

Hail the latest Sultan of Swing –
Irfan’s zippers tease and sting;
Conning the batter into careless drive..
Edging the cherry into first slip’s dive.
Delivering the ball at a friendly pace,
Delivering the goods with fiendish grace!
When elevated to one down,
Pathan literally goes to town,
Driving, cutting, slicing diligently..
Running the singles intelligently;
Pinch-hitting to him is the aesthetic art
Of taking the attack clinically apart.
It looks like we’ve finally found
A fellow with skills, all round!

Be it when he fields inside the ring
Or does his slow left arm spin bowling;
But mainly when he’s batting in full swing.
Yuvraj Singh…
Is simply amazing.
That delightful drive through mid off;
The fierce cut that splits the field in half;
The off-the-toes flick over mid-wicket,
That’s unparalleled in the history of cricket.
Sure, at times he makes catches look tougher,
Who cares! As long as he makes the bowlers suffer!

The out of form Kaif
Leads an uncharmed life.
The same can be said of Veeru
Who’s quickly gone from Heeru to Zeeru.
Bhajji’s Doosra turns just enough
To trick the batsmen into double bluff;
Raina’s too young to be rated…
So young, he can even be berated!

So that’s the core of the final eleven,
For the World Cup 2007!
The Great Wall and his men,
- The leader and his trusted ten;
Can they bring home the World Cup?
Sure! Lets keep the hopes up!



http://knittins.blogspot.com/2006/04/unusual-suspects-rhymed-verse-worst.html
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chetan

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2006, 07:22:55 AM »

amazing poem
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Libran

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2006, 08:52:04 AM »

U have me mezmerized ...brilliant  :D
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achutank

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #17 on: April 05, 2006, 11:56:46 AM »

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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #18 on: April 05, 2006, 03:43:58 PM »

http://knittins.blogspot.com/2006/04/unusual-suspects-rhymed-verse-worst.html

somebody should visit this guy's blog he wrtes well

He happens to be a friend of mine, he'll be flattered :D
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dhruvdeepak

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #19 on: April 08, 2006, 10:30:12 PM »

This a quote from Akshay Kumar:
"If Lara Dutta marries Brian Lara, her name will be Lara Lara"
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k-slice

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #20 on: April 11, 2006, 05:31:41 AM »

harbhajan SIngh apparently during the series against australia walked up to ricky ponting and said this:
this is how i hold it for the one that comes in, and this is how i hold it for the one that breaks the other way. now that you know how i do it F'ing play it.
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dhruvdeepak

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #21 on: April 11, 2006, 05:36:10 AM »

lol bhajji is a funny sledger, he apparently used to mug up english phrases that JW or anyone really would teach him, to use on batsmen, leaving them more quizzed than insulted at his sledges
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CLR James

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #22 on: April 30, 2006, 09:13:05 PM »


This was in the early or mid nineties. Richie Benaud was interviewing the quiet and taciturn Don Bradman.

Benaud: The English team has hit a very bad rut.

Bradman: Yes.

Benaud: The Ashes are just not that competitive anymore.

Bradman: Yes.

Benaud: The English bowling has been of abysmal quality recently.

Bradman: Yes.

Benaud: How much do you think you have averaged against such an attack Sir?

Bradman (thinking): About fifty....

Benaud: Come come! Please don't be ridiculously modest...for a man with a career average of 99.94...

Bradman: Well I am also 85 years old....don't see that well now...
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fineleg

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #23 on: April 30, 2006, 09:48:20 PM »


This was in the early or mid nineties. Richie Benaud was interviewing the quiet and taciturn Don Bradman.

Benaud: The English team has hit a very bad rut.

Bradman: Yes.

Benaud: The Ashes are just not that competitive anymore.

Bradman: Yes.

Benaud: The English bowling has been of abysmal quality recently.

Bradman: Yes.

Benaud: How much do you think you have averaged against such an attack Sir?

Bradman (thinking): About fifty....

Benaud: Come come! Please don't be ridiculously modest...for a man with a career average of 99.94...

Bradman: Well I am also 85 years old....don't see that well now...

Ha Ha  :D
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kingcool1432

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2006, 03:30:04 AM »

Some guy doing a mimicry of cricketers .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTrEl7UG1TI
« Last Edit: May 28, 2006, 04:34:36 AM by kingcool1432 »
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fineleg

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #25 on: May 28, 2006, 06:57:17 AM »

Some guy doing a mimicry of cricketers .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTrEl7UG1TI

good find - though I wish he had done inzy and some more players.
Applause for finding this.
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vincent

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Fly Air India
« Reply #26 on: June 30, 2006, 08:55:25 AM »

 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Namashkaar... Air India mein sabko swaagath hai.

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your
captain welcoming both seated and standing passengers
on board Air India flying to Mumbai to watch the Cricket Test match.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it
was due to bad weather and partly due to the search
for a missing tyre.Hope you will not miss much of your match. It will last for 5 days anyway..

Landing in Mumbai is not guaranteed, but we may end up somewhere
in India. And, if luck is in your favor, we may even
be landing near your village!

I request every body to relax and enjoy the journey.
This aircraft is privileged to have made the least
number of accidents in it's total flying period. That
is, only 72 minor accidents in 62 years.

Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our
safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are
scared to fly with us! It is with pleasure; I announce
that, starting this year, over 30% of our Passengers
have reached their destination.

Food will be served onboard when and if we take off. For your
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after food so that you can avoid vomitting on the floor.

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Complimentary DHARU and vada paavw. For our
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We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie
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Once again, thank you for flying Air India.
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justforkix

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #27 on: June 30, 2006, 09:02:11 AM »

vincent - LOL. good one  ;D ;D ;D ;D
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achutank

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #28 on: July 01, 2006, 10:05:15 AM »

appluase vincent, if you have written this and its not copy paste. what the heck evenp if it is C&P. its a good one, enough done to get a aplause from me. ;D ;D ;D ;D
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achutank

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #29 on: July 01, 2006, 10:13:14 AM »


This was in the early or mid nineties. Richie Benaud was interviewing the quiet and taciturn Don Bradman.

Benaud: The English team has hit a very bad rut.

Bradman: Yes.

Benaud: The Ashes are just not that competitive anymore.

Bradman: Yes.

Benaud: The English bowling has been of abysmal quality recently.

Bradman: Yes.

Benaud: How much do you think you have averaged against such an attack Sir?

Bradman (thinking): About fifty....

Benaud: Come come! Please don't be ridiculously modest...for a man with a career average of 99.94...

Bradman: Well I am also 85 years old....don't see that well now...

this brilliant one makes me remember another brilliant one in the same vein:

this is non-cricket

George Lois (the great adman - to his credit: "i want my MTV"; "if you got it flaunt it"; "lean cuisine" and the famous Esquire cover of Nixon getting makeup)

he had come down in the eighties to mumbai to address the ad frat at the Ad Club there.
obviosuly after all the speeches and the address, there was an open QA session.

Had Been Creative Director: In India we look up to Madison Avenue for inspiration. Where does Madison Avenue look?

George Lois: Modesty forbids....


 :)
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Blwe_torch

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #30 on: July 01, 2006, 03:05:06 PM »

Great!...Applause for both Vincent & Achu! :)
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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #31 on: July 01, 2006, 03:14:35 PM »

Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match

 Fred Trueman at the crease. The Aus captain has plenty of close-in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket.

 Fredie finds this objectionable. 'Ere, if you lads don't back off, I'll appeal for bad light!"

May his soul rest in piece!
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vincent

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #32 on: July 02, 2006, 07:58:30 AM »

appluase vincent, if you have written this and its not copy paste. what the heck evenp if it is C&P. its a good one, enough done to get a aplause from me. ;D ;D ;D ;D

Thanks..It is a copy,paste and some modifications on my part..

Thanks for the applause anyway.
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gouravk

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #33 on: July 06, 2006, 03:32:50 PM »

I fail to appreciate it.
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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #34 on: July 07, 2006, 08:46:10 AM »

I fail to appreciate it.


ABSOLUT  [god]
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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #35 on: August 22, 2011, 05:06:27 AM »

Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game.

Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said
 "It's red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces."

Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for a 6 and replies,"Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"

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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #36 on: January 13, 2012, 11:02:58 AM »

Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game.

Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said
 "It's red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces."

Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for a 6 and replies,"Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"

 :icon_thumleft:
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Re: Cricket Jokes
« Reply #37 on: January 20, 2012, 11:08:08 AM »

 ;D Nice one
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