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Author Topic: Curry tasting competition in South Africa  (Read 3252 times)

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caught and bowled

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Curry tasting competition in South Africa
« on: February 03, 2008, 06:22:42 PM »

This was sent to me by a mate who had lived in SA for a long time and was married to a South AFrican women(non-Indian!!) for 10 years...
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INEXPERIENCED CURRY TASTER
>Notes from An Inexperienced Curry Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting
>Phoenix, Durban (South Africa) from the U.S.
>
>
>"Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off.
>The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to

>be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer
>wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple

>of local
>Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they
told
>me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.
>
>
>Here are the scorecards from the event:
>
>
>_______________________________________________________________________
>Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry
>
>
>JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
>
>
>JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
>
>
>FRANK: Holy *e, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried
>paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I
>hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
>
>
>_______________________________________________________________________
>Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry
>
>
>JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
>
>
>JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
>seriously.
>
>
>FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am
>supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted

>to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when
>they saw the look on my face.
>
>
>_______________________________________________________________________
>Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry
>
>
>JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.
>
>
>JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
>
>
>FRANK: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
>I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me
>more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my
>backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from
>all the beer.
>
>
>_______________________________________________________________________
>Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic
>
>
>JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
>
>
>JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
>other mild foods, not much of a curry.
>
>
>FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
>taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar
>maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. She's
>starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry

>an aphrodisiac?
>
>
>_______________________________________________________________________
>Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover
>
>
>JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
>considerable kick. Very impressive.
>
>
>JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit
>the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
>
>
>FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
>no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
>paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
>curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from
>bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm

>burning my lips off? It really cheeses me off that the other judges
>asked me to stop screaming. Screw them!
>
>
>_______________________________________________________________________
>Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
>
>
>JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of
>spice and peppers.
>
>
>JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
>Superb.
>
>
>FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
>sulfuric flames. I "browned" myself when I farted and I'm worried it
>will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me
>except that Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel
>my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
>
>
>_______________________________________________________________________
>Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry
>
>
>JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
>
>
>JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
>curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about

>Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
>uncontrollably.
>
>
>FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
>wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world
>sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry

>which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like
>stuff to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know
>what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. To
>hell with this, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll
>just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
>
>
>_______________________________________________________________________
>Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry
>
>
>JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all,
>not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
>
>
>JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor
>hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed
>out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not
>sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted
>to a really hot curry?
>
>
>FRANK: -------------- (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
 

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